Chapter 7: Feels Like Being In Love

I hesitated for a moment, then decided there was no point lying to Leila, so I said, "It shouldn't have blown up like this; It's just... just..." "Just what?" Leila asked, curiosity bright in her eyes when she saw me trailing off. I braced myself and said, "After Sullivan left, I went straight for it with Stephanie, no foreplay at all." So she wouldn't question my skills, I made a point of adding that I had gone all the way. Last time with Leila, I had not managed it, which had felt humiliating, like I was some clueless rookie.  When I finished, she could not help but smile and said, "You little rascal... and then?" "I was her first," I said, mortified, "Now I feel guilty, and a little panicked." If Stephanie told Sullivan she was a virgin, then trouble would be brewing. If she had not, it wouldn't be as bad. The whole thing would be my debt to Stephanie alone and have nothing to do with Sullivan at all. Leila understood what I meant. After a quiet moment, she asked, "Do you still like that girl?" "I think so..." I answered evasively. Leila balled her small fist and tapped me on the head. "Either you like her or you don't. What is 'I think so' supposed to mean?" I gave a wry smile. "I like her. I have liked her for three years. But once we left school, everything changed. Compared with a nobody like me, Stephanie preferred a man like Sullivan, rich and well connected." Romance takes money. If you were busy just keeping your head above water, how could you spare the time and cash to sweep a woman off her feet? After crossing that line with Stephanie, I had wondered more than once if I should say yes if she came back and asked to get back together. Or if I should go find her, ask for forgiveness, and make it right. I did not know. Stephanie had gotten pretty pragmatic. Otherwise, she would not have checked into a hotel with Sullivan.  For someone that pragmatic, I knew a guy like me couldn't keep her. After I slept with her, she didn't dwell on our past at all. She only said, cold as ice, that from then on we had nothing to do with each other. "We dated for three years and I never even slept with her, and in the end, out of spite, I took her virginity, something I can't give back. There is no future for us," I muttered to myself. Leila looked as if she wanted to comfort me, then thought better of it. When dinner time came, she ordered a few small dishes through an app and added a bottle of red wine. Knowing I could not hold my liquor, I hardly drank.  Leila, though, could really hold her liquor. After more than half the bottle, her cheeks were flushed pink. With her cheeks warm like that, Leila was irresistible. She had always been the seductive type, with delicate brows and almond-shaped eyes, and sensuous red lips, with a tiny beauty mark at the corner. It was so small you would miss it if you did not look closely. I had seen people online say that women with a mark at the corner of their mouth tended to be more passionate. Given the dry spell she was in, my thoughts started to wander where they shouldn't. What happened at the club had awakened something in me. After my first forbidden taste, I found myself craving more. I looked at Leila with a heat I tried to hide. "Leila, you should drink a little less," I said, "I only took a half-day off. I still have to get back to the club tonight. If you get drunk, no one will be around to take care of you." Leila gave a sultry little smile. "As if someone would take care of me when I'm sober." She went on sipping her wine. I couldn't talk her out of it, so I resigned myself to keeping her company and took a few more sips. We did not end up drunk, but we both had a nice buzz going. When I saw the time, I felt that if I stayed any longer, something might happen. I was about to tell Leila I would head back to the dorm. She caught my wrist and, in a soft, sultry voice, murmured, "Don't go. Keep me company tonight." I did not know whether she meant to sleep with me, or if it was only the wine talking. Either way, with her like that, she was hard to refuse. I hesitated, then agreed. When people drank, they not only showed their true colors, but they also let long-buried fragility rise to the surface.  Leila held me lightly, rested her head against my chest, and talked softly about some of her own things. Sullivan's departure had been expected, but the sorrow had still caught her off guard. "Andy, whether it's me or Stephanie... once you take the wrong road, it is very hard to turn back." "If you still like Stephanie, try talking to her. Even a woman who takes great care of herself can't compete with a man's itch for something new." I agreed with her on both counts. She was every bit as attractive as Stephanie-if anything, that mature allure gave her the edge. As I watched the pale, fine softness of her skin and her slightly parted red lips, my mouth went dry. "Leila, you're drunk," I said, "Let me help you to bed so you can rest." She shook her head. "I don't want to sleep. Stay and talk with me. Because of Sullivan, I hardly have any friends." She squirmed a little in my arms to get comfortable. "I don't know why, but I'm suddenly enjoying the feeling of being doted on by you, kid." Maybe people get like this when they're feeling vulnerable. I knew she was not trying to tempt me. She just wanted to savor what it felt like to have someone to lean on, someone to indulge her. After all, Sullivan had already lost interest in her. Still, with her nestled against me like that, the full, rounded softness of her chest brushed my arm. Even through fabric, that springy warmth frayed my self-control. When I glanced down, her slender neck led to her delicate collarbones, and her V-neck sweater couldn't quite hide her cleavage. In such a moment, even if I wanted a pure, quiet heart-to-heart, my body had other ideas. Maybe the wine had blurred Leila's awareness. She didn't notice my reaction. Instead, in a soft, tempting voice, she said, "Kinda feels like being in love."