Chapter 10: The Monster Inside Me

Her phone not only streamed live video, it also picked up every sound in the room. All of a sudden, Marlee moved faster, her soft gasps growing louder. It went on for another ten or fifteen seconds before she went limp on the bed, legs stretched out, unmoving except for her heavy breathing.  I couldn't see the details, but it was obvious she'd finished. I took a quick shower, came back to my room, and lay down. Sleep wouldn't come. My mind was still racing, replaying everything that had happened. I'd been worried about not finding a chance to get close to Marlee, but today's events sent a fierce hope surging through me. Then I got up, went back to the computer, and kept monitoring her phone. She wasn't using it; it was still sitting there charging. Maybe she'd fallen asleep. I opened the camera feed again. She was gone from the bed. Where had she gone? Maybe she was taking a shower, maybe in the living room watching TV-there was no way to tell. I couldn't help checking her computer again. This time I found something new. A diary entry had appeared, dated July 5. I froze. July fifth was the day I got drunk at her place. Had she written it down, too? Just as I was about to open it, her computer suddenly came to life. The diary folder opened, a new Word document was created, and she titled it July 12, which was today. A thrill shot through me. Marlee was about to write today's entry. I sat glued to the screen, watching as she typed line after line in Word. "Honey, I'm sorry. Today I made another big mistake. Last time, our neighbor, Ted, got drunk and got handsy with me. I threw him out and swore I'd never speak to him again. But today, I accidentally splashed him with bathwater, and he slipped and got hurt. Even though he did something wrong to me a few days ago, I'm a nurse, and since it was my fault, I couldn't just stand by and do nothing. I helped him home and waited while he took a shower, then told him I needed to check his wound. He'd injured his groin. When he took off his pants, my mind went blank. "I don't know how it happened. A strange thought just popped into my head-if I climbed on top of him… Then I remembered the novels I'd been reading this past week, and my body reacted before I knew it. "No matter how hard I tried to keep my head, I couldn't stop my mind from racing. I meant to push him away and bandage him up, but when my hand closed around him, he was hard as iron and burning hot, like it set a fire inside me. For the next ten minutes or so, even though I was applying ointment, all I could think about was that iron rod. It had my heart in a spin. With every throb, my heart pounded. "My hand seemed to move on its own. I stole a look at Ted's face. He was enjoying it, but I felt awful. I didn't know what was wrong with me. It was as if there were a monster inside me, ready to break free the moment I lost control. I was terrified of what might happen if it got out. "While my mind was a mess and my thoughts were all over the place, Ted actually put his hand on my thigh. My first instinct was to slap him, but that firm, warm hand sent a shock through me that made my whole body tingle. I let a man I'd known for less than two weeks touch my leg. When his hand kept sliding up under my skirt, I finally snapped out of it. I couldn't let him have his way. I didn't dare imagine what would happen next if I did. So I stood up at once, told him I was done bandaging him, and ran home in a panic. "But even at home I still felt restless. You called in the afternoon and said you wouldn't be back until after eleven. In a moment of weakness, I touched myself. Looking back now, what I did was shameless and filthy. Even a scalding shower couldn't wash away the restless thoughts inside me. Honey, I don't know what to do. Maybe we should move out sooner. I'm afraid that one day I'll lose control." She finished writing. She left the document open for a few minutes before closing it, and the computer shut down.  It didn't matter.  I could still monitor her computer. I reread the diary and felt wildly excited. Looked like the novels she'd been reading all week were working their magic. Marlee was getting turned on. I was sure that, sooner or later, she'd end up under me. Early the next morning, I ran into Marlee again at the bus stop by the gate of our apartment complex. "Ms. Casson, good morning," I said with a smile. Marlee looked embarrassed, forced a thin smile, and nodded. She was probably mortified about yesterday. "Your husband isn't taking you to work?" I asked, making conversation. "He's a bit busy." Marlee frowned. She didn't look well. I felt puzzled and was about to ask more when Bus 218 arrived. I'd gotten a call from an e-commerce company, inviting me in for an interview on Monday morning. By chance, it was along the same route she takes to work. A crowd surged forward. Marlee and I got squeezed in at the very end. By the time we stepped on, the bus was packed. She clearly didn't take buses often. She looked uncomfortable, brow furrowed, handbag clutched tight. More people piled in behind us, shoving us toward the back door. Marlee had to grab the pole to keep from falling. The bus started up. It was both crowded and lurching, pure torment for anyone who had to stand. I, however, felt a thrill. Marlee stood with her back to me. I was right behind her, the two of us almost pressed together. Each time the bus swayed, my hips brushed her butt, and my body reacted before I knew it.