Chapter 5: Impulse

The diary didn't end there, so I kept reading. "I dated my husband for five years. We didn't sleep together until our wedding night. He truly loves me. Before we married, he wanted to have sex a few times, but when I refused, he never pushed. He held back until that first night. We've been married for two years, and we still never run out of things to talk about. Seeing him come home from work and dig into my cooking is the best part of my day." "I don't want a child yet, so we wouldn't put too much pressure on ourselves. He was considerate and said we would wait two more years. I never imagined I'd be assaulted last night. The worst part is, even though I was terrified and furious, I still felt an intense rush of pleasure. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hope time can heal my emotional wounds and ease my guilt toward my husband. Ezra, I swear I'll love you for the rest of my life." The diary ended there, but my stomach was in knots; I couldn't calm down for a long time. From those pages, I sensed Marlee's deep pain and guilt. Yet she went into such detail that, even as sympathy tugged at me, my body betrayed me. It seemed she had gone a long time without being satisfied by her husband. The fact that she could feel pleasure even while being assaulted was heartbreaking. When I finished, I closed the folder and opened another labeled "Novels." There were hundreds of text files. Titles leaped out at me. "My Girlfriend," "City of Seduction," "Sea of Desire," "Descent," "Seize the Bloom," and so on. I stared, dumbstruck. More than a hundred of them, and every single one was an adult novel. Judging by the diary, she'd downloaded them only recently. It hit me hard. Only a very lonely woman would stash that many adult novels on her computer to read when she got bored. In other words, her heart stayed faithful to her husband, Ezra Warth, but her body was aching and starved for touch. My pulse kicked up, excitement flaring. It felt like a chance I could take advantage of. I tossed and turned all night. I didn't drift off until very late. I woke late the next morning, groggy and out of sorts. I went to a job fair and pounded the pavement all day. By the time I left, I was dog-tired and still hadn't found anything that fit. I thought the day was horrible. Then, on my way home, things took a turn. I was standing over a pot of boiling noodles when I heard knocking sounds at my door. "Who is it?" I called, puzzled. I opened the door and found Marlee at the door. She wore a pale blouse and a floral skirt. The thin fabric clung to her curves; the swell of her chest pressed the front of the blouse, and her rounded hips were strikingly alluring. She held a garment in her hands, the very shirt I'd lent her last night. When she saw me, her expression flickered; she looked embarrassed, no doubt because of what had happened the night before. "I washed your shirt and wanted to return it," Marlee said, offering an awkward, apologetic smile. "You didn't have to go to the trouble." I took it with a smile and set it aside. "You're making noodles? Why don't you come eat with us later, to thank you for helping me last night," she said after a moment. "You don't have to be so polite." I said the words, but a spark leaped in my chest. I didn't expect I'd get to try Marlee's cooking so soon after we met. "Just-please don't mention last night in front of my husband." "Of course." Around six-thirty, Ezra came by to invite me to dinner. He looked to be about thirty-four or thirty-five, tall and well built, with an open, honest-looking face. He wore a black suit that made him look especially steady and respectable. He smiled and said, "Mr. Halenkamp, sorry it took us a few days-we've been meaning to have you over. My wife is the thoughtful one. Come have a couple of drinks." Ezra was a warm host. Once inside, I noticed how clean and tidy Marlee kept the place, with a faint scent of jasmine in the air. "Smells wonderful," I said. "It's the air freshener," Marlee answered with a small smile. She brought out the dishes, six or seven in all. The dishes smelled amazing; just looking at them made my mouth water. Ezra took out a bottle of Hearthbrew. I said I wasn't much of a drinker. "It's fine, just a couple," Ezra said, topping off my glass with cheerful insistence. We ate and drank, chatting about this and that. Ezra asked what I did. "I used to code at a web company," I said, smiling. "Then I had a car accident and went back to my hometown to recover. My girlfriend broke up with me, too. I finally healed up and came back to look for work." "I see. Then here's to finding a job soon." Ezra raised his glass to me. As we talked, I learned that the two of them were from Cerville. They'd been in Aeryn seven or eight years, had finally saved enough money, and were ready to buy a place. While we drank, Marlee seemed worried I might let something slip. She sat next to Ezra to keep us company, a hint of tension in her expression. Because I kept my mouth shut, she relaxed. She even clinked glasses with me and took a sip. Ezra loved his liquor, but he couldn't hold it. After six or seven shots, he was well past his limit. I felt a little dizzy myself, though I was nowhere near passing out. Marlee asked me to help her get Ezra to the bedroom to lie down and thanked me again. He was a heavy man. Even together, it was a struggle, and I'd been drinking too. Before we could get him into the room, we all went down in a heap. The worst of it was that Marlee landed squarely on top of me. Her face was just inches from mine. Her breath, warm and sweet, brushed my cheek. Her soft body pressed into me; I could feel the swell of her chest shift against my ribs. We locked eyes as we lay there. Color rose in her cheeks. "Sorry," she whispered, and tried to push herself up. The booze went to my head. I saw, as if it were happening again, last night in the park, when a balding middle-aged man had had his way with her. I remembered the private diary and the adult stories on her computer. Heat flared low in my belly. I couldn't help myself; I pulled her into my arms.