Chapter 9 To Survive

I sat in the furthest corner and curled my legs close to my body, thinking about everything that had happened. Again! Despite having gone over it so many times before, I still tortured myself wondering what the hell had happened. One moment we were fine, and the next, all hell broke loose. He just confessed to loving me! We’d been together for a year, but never once had he said those words before that night. I’d fallen for him quick and hard, but since he never said “the word,” I kept it to myself, not wanting to embarrass myself with an unrequited crush. He was an infamous playboy after all. But no matter how many women threw themselves at him, he never had eyes for anyone but me. It made me feel special. And then he tried to kill me and threw me out of his house in the middle of the night. Still, to this d, ay his words didn’t make any sense. “Reject you!” “Witch!” “Werewolf…” I’d figured out by myself that Cole had to be the same as the men in the woods. Werewolves! A part of me still rebelled at the idea; no amount of trauma or shock could explain away the things I’d seen these past few weeks. And well, there was of course the fact that I’d just seen Jack turn into a wolf right before my eyes. Not even Fraud could explain this… So, Cole was a werewolf. What did that make me? He’d called me a witch, but aside from “Charmed” and “Harry Potter,” I’d never been especially into anything related to witchcraft or wizards. I’d never been tempted to join any dark rituals or do anything spectacular in my life, like talking to snakes. My parents didn’t have a thick mystic book hidden away in the attic, and my grandparents were just ordinary old people living on a farm in Kansas. For crabs’ sake, I liked Country music! There was just no way that I could be a witch. Not to mention that you’re pathetic and will never amount to anything in your life, my dark voice taunted. Even if you were a witch, you’d just fail at that as well… I hated to admit it, but the voice was right. And just to prove her point, I felt like crying again. Because just thinking about Cole and the familiar ache in my heart was back, and it became hard to breathe. How pitiful was that? Even after everything he’d done, I still missed him. I couldn’t count how many times I’d prayed to whatever gods would listen that by some miracle, he’d show up and save me. That he’d realize his mistake and--- And somehow everything would be alright…! But that would never happen. Because even if he’d shown up to save me, there was no way I’d throw myself at his mercy again. And despite the pain it caused me, I could never trust him with my heart again. Not after everything that had happened… Nothing was ever going to be the same again… There was a rustle in the forest, and I instantly went on high alert. My heart was beating out of my chest, nd while it might be useless, I clutched dry earth and sand between my fingers, determined to put up one hell of a fight if I had to. But to my relief, it was Jack returning. His gray and white fur shimmered in the moonlight, his black spots turning invisible in the dark. In his mouth, he had another big backpack, but the second he saw me, he dropped it and headed straight for me, tail wagging and everything. Without really thinking about it, I reached out to him, relieved and beyond happy to see him again. And again, he didn’t hesitate to lick my face and rub his big head against mine, making me almost fall over. Seriously?! Big ass puppy! “If you’re looking for treats, you’ll be disappointed,” I couldn’t help but laugh while trying to push him away. He was so different from the other werewolves that I had a hard time coalescing the big, bloody Brute with this tail-wagging puppy. And shouldn’t I think it was weird that in another form, this was Jack?! As if sensing my hesitation, the wolf stepped back and jumped over to the pile of clothes that he’d left on the ground. Out of respect, I turned away, despite desperately wanting to see the transformation once again. A low grunt of pain and gasps tempted me to turn around and see what was going on. But then I remembered how painful the transformation had been for him, and I decided not to look. He probably didn’t want anyone seeing him in pain, and while I was just a mere human, I bet it would hurt his pride to get pitying looks from anyone. “My wolf likes you,” I heard after a while, and when I looked up, I saw Jack standing there in nothing but a pair of low-hanging jeans. His eyes had lost their glow, but he was still panting heavily as if he’d been running a marathon. His face was pale, and beads of sweat dripped from his forehead. All signs of his pain. But I didn’t comment and instead focused on his words… “Your wolf?” I echoed, wondering if he meant that he and his wolf were two different beings. “You mean---?” Unfortunately, I didn’t know how to finish that question. I was curious, I’ll admit, but how did you ask someone if they had multiple personalities? Or if they were schizophrenic? Not exactly a great way to start a conversation… “How does that work?” I settled on asking instead, turning to him fully as he rummaged through his backpack. He paused and frowned as if he wasn’t sure how to explain it himself. “What’s it like to be human?” he threw the question back at me, surprising me. Well--- Good question! “Human?” I echoed, wondering if there was something I’d missed. “You mean you---? You weren’t bitten?” The second the question left my lips and I met his eyes, I knew it was the most idiotic thing I could ever have said. He looked utterly unimpressed, and there was even a sneer on his lips when he replied. “No,” he scoffed and rolled his eyes as if the question annoyed the living shit out of him. “I was born a werewolf. And we don’t BITE!” He huffed, pulling out a T-shirt from the backpack. “Stupid legends,” he mumbled under his breath, and despite not knowing any better, I still found myself blushing. Well, in that case, I guess he couldn’t very well explain to me what it was like being something he was born to be. Much like I couldn’t explain to him what it was like to be a human… “Oh,” I mumbled, hoping the heat on my cheeks couldn’t be seen in the dark. “Sorry.” He didn’t respond but continued to pull a jacket and a pair of shoes out of the new backpack. And to my surprise, he handed both of them to me. I mumbled a humble thank you and put them on. The cold might not bother me anymore, but I was still grateful for the extra layer of protection. Jack nodded before heading back to the backpack. “We’re one and two at the same time,” he suddenly said, as if he’d been pondering the best way to describe it for a while. “Symbiosis if you’d like.” I gaped at him in awe. So, there was another personality living inside of him. Instead of another person, it was an animal, a wolf! And they weren’t at odds with each other, but living in harmony. “Cool,” I mumbled honestly. Because--- yeah, that was seriously cool. Which suddenly made me somewhat jealous. If I could turn into a wolf, then none of what had happened in the past few weeks--- Don’t flatter yourself, my dark voice scoffed, and I swear I could feel her snicker. You’re weak, and even with a wolf, you would be just as weak. You’ll never be anything but a pathetic, weak loser. I mentally sighed and closed my eyes, counting to ten. That bitch was seriously getting on my last nerve… “Let’s eat,” Jack suddenly said, bringing me back to reality, and my surprise, he handed me some Chinese take-out boxes. That I instantly recognized. And just like that, my throat contracted, and I wanted to scream. My stomach turned, and I felt sick to my bones. And just like that, I realized where he’d been! He’d been back at the cave. A part of me wanted to throw the food far into the trees. Toscreamm and tear off the clothes on my body that suddenly made my skin crawl. This was all THEIR stuff! The werewolves who’d been keeping me prisoner and tortured me for weeks. Another part of me wanted to hurl it at Jack. Ask him if this was some kind of sick joke? If I hadn’t been tortured enough and now--- “You’ll eat their food?” I screeched, turning towards him with fire in my eyes. But the clenched look his jaw gave, and the slight arch of his eyebrow in, indicated that he wasn’t impressed. Or threatened… “You won’t?” he asked, sounding almost challenging. And just like that, I realized something I perhaps wasn’t ready for. But when did life ever ask for permission to make my life hell? Because while every cell in my body hated it, I knew that I needed this. I needed food to survive. I needed clothes and shoes to make it in the wild. And it shouldn’t matter where it came from. It didn’t matter because, in the end, I would survive. Right now, I might hate it, but I need to put my feelings aside for now. I couldn’t afford to throw a tantrum because I didn’t like something. I needed to survive first! “Got any drinks?” I asked stubbornly, knowing that there was always a six-pack of beer around the guys. As if he’d been reading my mind, a proud smirk tilted the edge of his lips, and he reached for the backpack again, picking out two cans of root beer. He handed me one, and despite my trembling fingers, I got it open. “Cheers,” he said, and we clinked our cans in a toast. “Cheers!” I took a huge gulp, ignoring how my stomach turned. I needed to survive first! And with that mantra, my stomach settled down, and I ate the food of my captors…