Chapter 3

Ten minutes after Rhys told me not to come, he asked me to fix their dinner reservation. His message appeared beneath mine. Me: Okay. I won’t. Rhys: Call the restaurant before six. Willa can’t eat at eight because of her medication. I stared at the screen. I had not canceled my train. Some part of me still expected him to call back and say he had gone too far. Instead, he gave me another task. Me: If I don’t get on the train, will you come back for me? The three dots appeared immediately. Rhys: Don’t test me, Maren. Rhys: We’ll talk after Christmas. After Christmas. After Willa slept in our room. After my family celebrated inside the holiday I had built without me. I took a taxi to Penn Station. The departure board showed my train to Vermont. ON TIME. I sat beneath it with my suitcase and the unopened gift box. My phone vibrated again. Lenora had posted a photograph in the family chat. They sat around the cabin’s dining table. Candles glowed beside the pine centerpiece I had ordered. Dad raised a glass toward the camera. Willa sat beside Rhys, wearing his gray sweater. One of the presents I had wrapped rested open in her lap. Milo lay beneath the table with his head on the chair meant for me. The caption read: Finally together. Christmas can begin. I counted the people. Four. No one had left space for me. No one seemed to notice who was missing. Rhys sent me a private message. Rhys: Confirm the restaurant change when you finish. Take a taxi from the station tomorrow. Willa can’t handle another drive. He still thought I would come. He thought I would fix their reservation, buy another ticket, and arrive tomorrow without requiring anyone to pick me up. Because I always arrived eventually. I opened the restaurant booking. Five guests. Special occasion: Family Christmas Dinner. I changed the number from five to four. Me: The reservation now matches the number of people in your photograph. Then I muted the conversation. My stomach turned. At the station shop, I bought water and crackers. When I opened my handbag, the corner of my clinic report caught beneath my wallet. The cashier noticed the hospital logo. "Prenatal appointment?" I nodded. "Congratulations. Is the father excited?" My hand stopped over my credit card. I thought of Rhys fixing Willa’s fireplace and telling me we would talk after Christmas. "He doesn’t know." "Are you telling him tonight?" "I was." I took my water and returned to the departure board. VERMONT — BOARDING SOON. For seven years, I believed home was wherever Rhys was. That belief had left me alone in a station while my family celebrated without me. I found another name in my contacts. Odette Bellamy. My mother’s mother lived in Savannah and ran a small historic inn. I had not visited in almost a year. She answered on the second ring. "Maren?" "Is my room still there?" I asked. Odette did not ask why I needed it. "Your room has always been there." After my mother died, I had spent every summer in Odette's Savannah house. My room still had pale blue walls and a window facing her magnolia tree. It was the last place where I remembered being loved without first making myself useful. "I need to tell you something." My fingers settled over my stomach. "I'm seven weeks pregnant." Silence filled the line for one heartbeat. "Does Rhys know?" "No." I swallowed past the ache in my throat. "Would it be too much if I came home with a baby?" "You coming home could never be too much." Odette's answer was immediate. "Tell me where you are, sweetheart." My throat tightened. Above me, boarding began for Vermont. Passengers collected their bags. I stayed seated. "Grandma, can you leave the light on?" "It’s already on." After the call, I closed the train reservation and searched for flights to Savannah. One seat remained on the last evening flight. The booking page asked for my trip type. Round trip. One way. I selected one way. Passenger: Maren Whitlock. Destination: Savannah. Trip type: One-way. I placed my hand over my stomach. Then I bought the ticket.