Chapter 4

Before my flight began boarding, I canceled the wedding Rhys still believed was eight weeks away. I sat near the gate at LaGuardia and opened the venue's client portal. Every contract was under my name because I had planned the wedding. The cancellation page warned me that we would lose half the deposit. I had spent months choosing flowers, menus, and music. Losing the money hurt. Marrying him would cost me more. My finger rested over the final button. The diamond on my left hand caught the airport light. Eight months earlier, Rhys had promised that I would never question my place beside him. That morning, he had removed my suitcase from his car. I pressed Confirm. The date disappeared from the portal. Rhys would not receive the cancellation email because he had never added himself as a billing contact. Our wedding was over, and my fiancé did not know. Next, I called Imogen Price, my best friend since college and the only person besides Rhys who had a key to our apartment. "Aren't you supposed to be going to Vermont?" she asked. "I'm going to Savannah. I need your help first." After I explained, Imogen went silent. "Are you sure?" she asked. I turned the engagement ring around my finger. "I'm sure about leaving." Imogen reached the apartment twenty minutes later and called me on video. The garland Rhys and I had hung the night before remained above the fireplace. She packed my documents, work laptop, medication, and clothes. From the closet, she took the cedar box containing my mother's letters and pearl earrings. "Take the blue sweater too," I said. "The one on the top shelf." My mother had bought it during our last winter together. I could not leave it behind. When Imogen finished, I removed the ring. A pale band circled my finger. I remembered the man who once warmed my hands and the man who had not asked whether I reached the station. They had the same face. They no longer felt like the same person. "Leave it on his nightstand," I told her. Imogen placed the ring beside Rhys's watch. The diamond looked smaller there. My phone vibrated before she left. Rhys: Did you change the restaurant reservation? A second message followed. Also, can you order another bundle of firewood? Willa says the house is still cold. He did not ask when my train arrived. He did not ask whether I had eaten or why I had stopped answering. I sent neither reply nor firewood. Instead, I opened my medical portal. Rhys was listed as the person allowed to receive updates about my care. I deleted his access and replaced his name with Odette Bellamy. Under emergency contact, I made the same change. Then I requested that my prenatal records be transferred to a clinic in Savannah. The form asked why I was changing providers. Relocation. Imogen took both bags to her apartment to ship to Odette. Before ending the call, she showed me the bedroom once more. My side of the closet was empty. The ring waited on the nightstand. There was nothing left for me to return for. At the gate, the agent announced boarding for Savannah. I stood and tucked the ultrasound photograph inside my passport so it would not bend. My phone vibrated again as I joined the line. Rhys: I made up one of the basement beds for you. Let me know when you arrive. For several seconds, I stared at the message. He still expected me to travel alone through the snow, take a cab to the house I had paid for, and sleep beneath the room he had given Willa. He still believed I would come because I always had. I turned off my phone and stepped onto the plane. Rhys did not know that our wedding had been canceled. He did not know my belongings were gone from our apartment. He did not know his ring was waiting beside his watch. And he did not know he was going to be a father. While he prepared a basement bed for me in Vermont, my plane lifted above New York and turned south. He was still waiting for me to arrive. I never would.