Chapter 8

“What I’m saying isn’t a curse, it’s a prophecy. Please think before you act. Some choices have lifelong consequences.” Wow. Scary. To think that even at twenty-nine, I’m still scared of delinquents like Song Yeoreum. No wonder no one ever stood up to her. I secretly wiped my sweaty palms on my skirt. Tremble tremble. ‘This atmosphere is intimidating.’ They’re not gangsters or chaebol heirs. Just high school bullies, nothing more. I know this, but being in the same school makes them seem scarier than they are. I clenched my shaking hands and forced myself to lift my chin. “You think this time will last forever? In just a year, everyone will be too busy studying to care about you.” By then, the atmosphere won’t be on your side. You’ll get swept up too, wandering around cram schools and study rooms until 2 AM trying to get into college. But by then, it’ll be too late to regret. That college guy who shamelessly showed up at graduation, cracking eggs on his young pregnant girlfriend’s belly while cackling? He ran off to the military 3 months after the baby was born. She’s raising the child alone now. Couldn’t even go to the college she got into. I heard about it even though I cut off contact with everyone. It’s frustrating that I can’t spoil this for them. “Even dogs aren’t bothered while eating. You want to do this to someone who just came from the nurse’s office this morning? Please come to your senses. You’ve got about 400 days left until you appear on ‘High Teen Parents’.” I stopped there because Song Yeoreum’s expression turned truly murderous. “Wow…” Song Yeoreum let out a hollow laugh while looking at the ceiling, then turned to me. “Hey, you’re not going to make it.” As Song Yeoreum raised her hand with a smirk, Doyeon stood up from her seat. “Stop it.” As if she’d been waiting for this, Song Yeoreum shoved Doyeon’s shoulder. “Stop what? You couldn’t say a word all this time, but now that you have one loser standing up for you, you think you’re tough?” Did she swallow a dirty rag or something…? Song Yeoreum raised her hand again after spewing profanities. But. “Hey. Seriously, stop it.” This time, Seo Jaegyeom stepped in. Jaegyeom, who had been sitting by the window with his friends, strode over. He wedged himself between me and Song Yeoreum, forcibly lowering her raised hand. His expression was full of annoyance and irritation. “Song Yeoreum. I don’t like noise when I’m eating, you know?” “Was I being noisy? Kang Dahye…!” “Yeah. So be quiet.” “No, Kang Dahye did…!” “I said it’s noisy.” “Ugh…” “What?” He didn’t seem to be taking sides or trying to stop the fight. He just looked genuinely annoyed. Faced with Jaegyeom’s tired attitude, Song Yeoreum could only mutter curses under her breath, unable to argue back. Seeing this, Doyeon sighed and picked up her barely touched tray, quickly leaving her seat. I hurried after her. “Hey, where are you…!” “Song Yeoreum. I said Let’s be quiet.” “Seo Jaegyeom, why are you suddenly butting in!” “Because you’re being noisy.” No one, boy or girl, can stand up to Seo Jaegyeom. I don’t know what came over him (probably just the noise), but I’m glad he stepped in. As we were leaving the cafeteria, I caught Jisoo’s eye and mouthed: ‘Sorry!’ I’ll buy you chocolate milk later! For real! The place Doyeon and I ended up wasn’t the wisteria bench at the edge of the field… but just the bleachers. Doyeon had been heading for the bench, but seeing the groups of students gathered there, she changed direction and sat on the bleachers instead. I quickly sat down next to her, trying not to look too awkward. Without even glancing my way, Doyeon spoke. “You know what I hate most about eating alone?” “What?” “People watching.” “Ah.” “It feels like I’m eating with a sign that says ‘I’m being ostracized, I have no friends’ stuck to me.” “……” “Why did you help me?” Doyeon looked at me, asking why I stepped in when I could become a target like her. I rolled my eyes. “…Because it benefits me too?” I’m going to live a miserable life for the next 11 years, you know? So I’ve been wondering if I did something wrong to deserve such bad karma. Thinking maybe I’m paying the price for some sin I committed. And your name always came to mind first. I always regretted not standing up for you. Whatever god or force sent me back in time must want me to live a better life… “I don’t want to do things I’ll regret anymore.” “What?” Doyeon frowned, not understanding. “It’s nothing. Um… There’s no grand reason. I just did it because it was the right thing to do.” I saw Doyeon’s face, the one who would die two months from now. Despite everything that happened, I survived to see twenty-nine, but your time stopped forever at eighteen. Because none of us had the courage. If even one person had acted differently, everything might have changed. “I’m sorry for standing up for you so late.” I knew clearly what was right and wrong, but I turned a blind eye out of fear. I apologized for ignoring your pain, an apology that came far too late. Doyeon stared at me for a moment before asking. “Why are you crying?” “Just… sniff, because I’m sorry.” “Did you ostracize me? Why are you sorry?” “Everyone must be sorry for you.” “I don’t think so.” Seeing me sniffling, Doyeon pulled out a tissue from her pocket and handed it to me. I took it with a congested ‘thank you’. So much for my dignity as a regressor. Crying in front of someone 11 years younger. “Not everyone thinks like you, Kang Dahye. Some kids deliberately bump my shoulder in the hallway even though we have nothing to do with each other. Ever since I became ‘that kid it’s okay to pick on’.” “sniff What? Are they crazy?” “They see it as an opportunity. Kids who always disliked me now that it’s acceptable to bully me.” “Have you thought about reporting them for school violence? I mean… Song Yeoreum and her group.” I think I heard your mother works in law, as a prosecutor or judge, or something. At least, that’s what I learned when the police came to school after Doyeon died. But Doyeon shook her head. “I don’t want to disappoint my parents.” “They wouldn’t be disappointed about that.” “I know. But I just don’t want to tell them. How can I say their proud daughter can’t adjust to school? That I’m the only one who can’t get along when everyone else is fine? How can I say that?” “I understand.” I’ve felt something similar before. Everyone else passed, but my daughter failed again. How I couldn’t do what everyone else could. It is hard to speak up at times like that. “But Doyeon, it’s not your fault.” “……” “You did nothing wrong. Not a single thing. You’re just a victim of unfair treatment.” “……” “You don’t need to be grateful that I took your side today. I just did what was right. You don’t need to watch my reactions or force yourself to do things you don’t want to because of me.” “…Like what?” “Um… Like if I asked to borrow your shoes, but you didn’t want to lend them… but you forced yourself to because you were afraid I wouldn’t be your friend if you refused?” “You heard about that, too?” Doyeon smiled. I stopped crying and smiled back. “No, you can ask to borrow things! But if you’re refused, you should accept it and back off. What kind of behavior is that?” “That’s what I’m saying. It was awful.” “Even a real beggar like me doesn’t do that. What’s wrong with her?” I don’t often ask to borrow things from others. I’m afraid I’ll lose them and won’t have money to replace them. As we giggled, the March sunlight fell between us. It was still chilly, but would surely warm up soon. “I hate it more when people watch me eat alone than eating alone itself.” “But you still came down to eat every time instead of starving. You’ve already won there.” “Why would I starve? For whose benefit?” “That’s right!” “I’m not dating the teacher.” “Oh, of course not! Are you crazy? What do you lack that you’d date an old man!” “I have lots of clothes. Let me know if you want to borrow any later.” “It’s okay. I have my uniform.” “You wear your uniform when you go out after school, too?” “Yeah, my uniform is practically fused to my body.” “Our uniforms aren’t even pretty.” “Still, we paid for them and can only wear them for 3 years. Gotta get our money’s worth.” “Isn’t 3 years a long time to wear them?” “I’m still using the bag I had in elementary school.” “…When’s your birthday? I’ll buy you a bag as a gift.” I’ll buy you two. Doyeon declared. That was her way of saying thank you. “Next period is math, right?” “Yeah. We’re both in Class A, so we can grab our books and go together.” “Okay.” “But Doyeon, I might drop to Class C in the second semester…” “What are you talking about? You’re the top student in the whole school.” “I am now, but…” As we walked down the hallway chatting comfortably, we drew many stares. Ignoring them, I deliberately smiled even brighter as we opened the door to Class 1, where Math Class A was held. Slide And I made direct eye contact with Seo Jaegyeom, who was smiling down at Jisoo as she sat on her desk doing homework.